What’s your side hustle this week?
I’m playing drums in a secret band and also doing homework on the side
I’m organizing a mandatory town-wide recycling audit
I’m tutoring pre-law students even though they’re older than me
I’m running a cat-sitting empire out of my mom’s basement, legally or not
Someone’s annoying you in public. What’s your move?
Loudly talk about my gastrointestinal problems until they leave
Confront them directly, aggressively, and with receipts
Write a formal complaint to the town council and CC their aunt
Pretend it doesn’t bother me until I explode later in my journal
Pick your dream job, or whatever’s closest to it!
Small-town mayor with total control of parade float regulations
Touring with my band
Filming a 12-minute horror short in my neighbor’s shed
Investigative journalist with enemies in high places
How do you handle rejection?
I call it a ‘strategic miscommunication’ and schedule a meeting
I spiral for two hours, then invent a new business to distract myself
I cry while alphabetizing my CD collection
I pretend I’m fine and then destroy someone in a debate
What’s your biggest red flag?
I will absolutely steamroll everyone in a group project
I’ve had over 20 jobs and still live at home
I lie to my mom constantly and somehow still feel bad about it
I enforce rules no one agreed to
What’s your vibe at a town event?
Accidentally become the main attraction in a way no one saw coming
Making sure the pie contest judging is done by the book
Playing bass in a band while wishing I was anywhere else
Running the mic and making the trivia round unreasonably difficult
Lastly, pick a weird flex!
I once delivered mail with no training and _nailed_ it
I got into Yale _and_ threatened a teacher in the same week
I’ve memorized the entire record section of Sophie’s Choice Music Shop
I’ve hosted more emergency town meetings than actual emergencies
Paris Geller
You are intense, brilliant, and one minor inconvenience away from going completely nuclear. You don’t believe in chill — your version of relaxing is reviewing your five-year plan. People either fear you or worship you, and honestly, both are valid. You show love through blunt honesty and high expectations, and beneath the armor, you’re fiercely loyal. You’re Paris Geller, and you didn’t come here to make friends — you came to _win_.
Kirk
You are unpredictable, VERY silly, and somehow everywhere at once. You’ve had more job titles than most people have outfits, and you’re always involved in _something_, whether or not anyone asked you to be. You thrive in awkwardness, live in your own world, and honestly, you’re kind of a legend. Deep down, you’re weirdly lovable and the glue that holds your chaotic friend group together. You’re Kirk Gleason — Stars Hollow’s most unintentionally iconic citizen.
Lane Kim
You are the ultimate double life expert. On the outside, you’re polite and rule-following. On the inside, you’re full of rebellion, passion, and enough music knowledge to run your own record label. You’re the friend who shows up no matter what — even if your mom grounded you for breathing wrong. You dream big, feel deeply, and somehow survive even the strictest rules. You’re Lane Kim, and your life _is_ the secret track on the album.
Taylor Doose
You love structure, order, and knowing exactly what everyone is doing at all times. You’ve got spreadsheets for fun and rules for things no one even realized needed rules. You’re the one keeping the whole system from falling apart — and if it’s falling apart, you’re scheduling a meeting. Sure, people complain, but when the town square needs decorating or the fire hydrants need repainting, guess who’s there? You’re Taylor Doose, and bureaucracy is your love language.
QZ Time
